i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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