Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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