just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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