that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
