you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
