You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My balls are so social today.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
