im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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