Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
organizing the empties. That sober.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
