her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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