I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
