hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize