I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
