You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I supernannyed him into submission
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
