the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
