I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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