You just made me feel so damn special
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
