Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
