At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
