I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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