even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
