You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize