Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
