so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
