i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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