Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
