When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
