I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she looked like the before picture.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
