Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
