This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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