You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
