dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize