I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
