I wish I could punch you in the face.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
