I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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