the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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