Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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