i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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