life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
