He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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