Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize