I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
