Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize