twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
