Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
