there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
