I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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