My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
