the condom got lost in my hair
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
