If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just google imaged poop.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's shark week go big or go home
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
