I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
