and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
