The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
