did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
