thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
