Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
