SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
