3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
the liver wants what the liver wants
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
