just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
