People with herpes should wear stickers.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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