I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
