your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
