if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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