I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
