Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
