Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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