A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
