note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
