If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
