remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
